just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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