I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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