I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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