it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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