im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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