Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
