John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
zippers are such a cool invention
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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