toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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