Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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