Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
