Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
