I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
