I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
