Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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