She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
