it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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