Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
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i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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