dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
