This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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