my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
