Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
