hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
