the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
