fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
