I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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