u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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