brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
