You're a womanizer and a bitch.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
