Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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