Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
