a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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