is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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