I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
