I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
