the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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