is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we're so committed to being not committed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
