I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
