I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
