Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just threw up on my dentist
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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