I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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