Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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