No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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