Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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