and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
