I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
