Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
