so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
