i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize