her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Four minutes until I can fart!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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