she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
