My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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