remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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