okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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