What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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