They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
