i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
