Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
