what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
