well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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