we're blogging at a bar
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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