nut hugger
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
