I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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