2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
