He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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