i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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