He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she smelled like a LAN party
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
