If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
