New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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