I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
