You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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